There are two schools of thought when it comes to cheating. One is “Once a cheat, always a cheat”. The other one is that with the proper structure put in place it’s possible to not become a repeat offender. There is no easy path to dealing with infidelity. I would be lying to you if I said with certainty that everything is going to be alright. Is it possible for you to rebound and get your marriage back on track after your husband has had an affair? Of course, it is. However, the most important thing is to deal with the here and now.
What does it mean that your husband was willing to throw away his marriage and family to cheat with another woman? Does it mean that he doesn’t love you enough or is it that he loves himself more than you? There are so many questions that you need to get the answers to. Such as;
- Why did he cheat?
- Is this the only time that he has cheated?
- Does he still love you?
- Will he cheat again?
- Should you stay and try to save your marriage?
According to interviews done with cheating husbands, the top 4 reasons for cheating are;
- They were bored with the relationship and wanted more variety
- Their spouse was pushing them away with their attitude and behavior
- His spouse no longer is connected to him
- It’s exciting having an affair
Clearly cheating is all about the husband’s needs with very little concern about his wife’s needs. I guess that sums up cheating. It’s all about what the cheater wants and feels as though he needs.
As you know infidelity results in a total lack of trust and it’s hard to know if this is the only time your husband has cheated. If he lied about this affair is it possible that he has withheld other secrets from you? It’s a question that will cause you to lose sleep for a long time. Trust is easily given but once it’s lost it’s hard to get back. However, given the right structure and interaction with your husband you can learn to trust him again. I know you probably don’t feel like you will ever be able to trust him but it’s possible. You will just be a little more attentive than you were before.
Another question that will create anxiety for you is “does he still love you”? There is only one way that you will know that he loves you. It’s not how many times he tells you that he loves you. It’s by his actions. How he treats and respects you will let you know that he loves you. If your husband is wise he will be sensitive to your needs. What you need from him is respect, commitment, understanding, patience and cooperation. This doesn’t mean that he has to submit to your every command. However, given the situation he needs to go out of his way to ensure that you are able to forgive and move forward. He owes you that and a little more.
The big unknown is “will he cheat again”? No one knows the answer to this question. To be honest, it’s not even worth thinking too much about it. Your focus should be on fixing what has happened instead of worrying about what might happen. Your goals should be strengthening your relationship so your husband doesn’t want to cheat. Eliminate his poor excuses for cheating and be the best partner you can be. Should he choose to cheat and throw away his marriage, so be it.
One lingering question will be should you forgive your cheating husband or leave him. Neither choice is easy. Therefore, I would suggest that you don’t make up your mind right away. Give your relationship time to heal before you make the decision. You can always decide to walk away at a latter time. However, once you move on it’s a little difficult to get back together.
Source by D P Haynes